And In the End There is Only Love

It has been quite a while since I have written. Friends, my time as an Invisible Children Roadie is over. I have wanted to post so many times to try and encompass the joys, sorrows, chaotic moments and life lessons that made up my journey. My heart is so full and I feel anew.

The past few weeks have consisted of mumbling 'goodbye' out of blurred eyes to the most incredible human beings, rejoicing over Achellam's capture, trying to straighten out my thoughts and reflect on this adventure, sleeping under the stars among the tallest trees, and looking ahead to where I will go next.

I am sitting here, my last few hours in San Diego before I hop on a plane home to San Antonio, realizing that my heart is overjoyed with all that I have seen, learned, and experienced; yet, I am so broken with all that I am leaving behind. A dear friend, Chris Tuttle, told me that if you did it right it should hurt to leave. And boy, does it hurt. Nate Henn, a beloved Roadie, asked "What is my life?". I find myself asking that same question tonight. Unsteady I walk on what feels to be a tight rope 200 stories high. From up here I can see the world. I can see its sorrows, charms, injustices, kindnesses, and everything in between. Yet with all in sight I feel I am merely watching it happen. I have this nagging perception that my contribution in these 5 months has not been enough to qualify as a dive into the beautiful and divinely mastered mess below me. As far back as I can remember, cliche but quite literally, all I have wanted is to be a part of it- be in it. Let me not stand from afar watching the suffering and hearing the laughter.

What is my Life?
 I have never felt so right and so in place. I have been blessed enough to fight at the forefront of justice, to have worked alongside the most humbling group of people, and to find Jesus in numerous places, experiences and people. Lord, push me off of the tight rope- let me be in the midst of Your work forever.

Who am I? 
A seemingly simple question asked as part of the application for this internship. The funny thing is that I knew as I filled out the application that I actually had no idea how to answer that. I wrote and wrote trying to formulate an assortment of words that would explain the unknown, even to me, qualities of Lindsey. So many people told me that I would 'find myself' on the road. I haven't found myself, but I have discovered 2 things:
1. I will never find myself. I will spend my life searching, but if this journey has taught me anything it is that the length to which a human can be stretched and can grow will never allow oneself to be found. We are ever evolving, ever learning, ever improving.
2. I am overjoyed with the realization that I am simply an instrument. I have been purchased at the price of the Son of God- Jesus Christ. I can breathe, walk, blink, dance only because of His grace. I am an instrument, placed on this earth temporarily to be a note in the eternal orchestra that is His glory. I am to be used for His peace, justice, love, and all else that is He.

I have learned to Love
I came to Invisible Children because I love God and I love people. After this internship I recognize that I am not completely sure if I really knew how to fully love. This is what I have determined.
Roadie Lessons on Love
1. When people genuinely love other people, the world WILL change.
2. God loves even the worst of sinners- who am I, a broken and dirty sinner, to do anything else. Love Joseph Kony. Pray for his salvation.
3. Strangers will love you and you will love strangers. Once you realize we are all just fighting the good fight judgements fade and love rushes in.
4. Love through the hate for we are not of this world.
    We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we       endure it. 1 Cor 4:12
5. Love grows always. I did not know I could love my teammates any more than I did week one and yet every single day I found more love for them. Your heart can never be too full. Apply this to people you think you cannot love.
6. Learn to love joy, sorrow, bitterness, elation, because that is how you  know you are alive. Remind yourself every day that you are alive- YOU WOKE UP! Praise the Lord!
7. And in the end there is only love. I love my teammates, the Roadie class, the cold and moldy Roadie house showers, the garage jam sessions, the 5AM wake up alarms, the 8 hour booking days, each and every screening. 70 years from now my memory of these things will be wiped away, but I will remember that I loved- and I loved whole heartedly and recklessly.

I guess I am in it after all. I am not just watching from a tight rope. The mess, the chaos that I thought I was merely watching is among us and the solution is love. Only God's love can heal and there is no corner of the globe, no boundary in which God's love cannot go.

What a messy and magnificent season.

Overwhelming Joy

My team and I have been in Hawaii for almost two weeks now and we will soon be heading back to San Diego. We have gotten to do so many cool things here. We have gone to beautiful beaches, hiked, sailed, kayaked, and seen Pearl Harbor.

One day we got to go to a mountainside called Pali. Pali was the windiest place I have ever been! everything was so green- not the kind of faded green of Texas hills, but a deep and dark and rich forrest green. It was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. You could see the entire island, all the way to the sparkling ocean. Fog hung over the mountain tips as we walked down a small pathway. Staring back at the mountains I could only dream of God taking a look at His creation and running his fingers down the side of the mountain, making magnificent indentions, as a final touch. As we walked down the path we played in the wind. God's name glorified with every breeze.

I have been overwhelmed with joy multiple times on this journey, but nothing has quite paralleled what I got to experience tonight. We did a screening at a women's correctional facility in Honolulu. The second we got there we were showered with prayers and warm welcomes. They even made each of us a decorated journal in which they had each written their favorite Bible verse in. The night started out with multiple prayers and a worship session. Jesus was there; there is no doubt. His spirit was so apparent. All of the inmates raised their hands and voices. I cannot count the times Hallelujah was shouted. I was so moved to see their joy and contagious love for the Lord. These women found truth and hope in the fact that while their physical freedom is on hold they are liberated through Jesus. After worship, we started the film. I have seen this film probably close to 60 times now, but tonight was as if I was watching a different movie. The women cried hysterically, laughed joyously, and applauded many times throughout the movie. Their reactions to this issue refreshed my mind and spirit and reminded me that this is real. People are suffering and it has to stop. While Papito was telling his story I had a sudden panic realizing that the ways they can get involved are somewhat limited. An incredible peace came over me knowing that the way I would urge them to join us in the fight for justice is the most important and most overlooked. I had the immense privilege of asking these women to devote time to prayer for this issue. I was able to pray over them and feel their hearts also begging God for Kony's justice and salvation. I am so amazed by the kindness I encountered tonight. God is good and He continues to bring glory to His name at every turn.

Thank you for all of you who are praying for my team and I. Tour is officially halfway done. I cannot believe it. So much has happened already; it is only the start. Continue to pray earnestly that Kony would surrender in the name of Jesus.

#RoadieLife

My friends,


Since I last posted, this journey has been absolutely insane and has shaped me in ways that I cannot yet grasp. My heart for justice has continued to grow, KONY 2012 has received over 100 million views, Invisible Children has been both attacked with criticisms and showered with support, and our heroic leader Jason Russell has reached a state of exhaustion that resulted in an unfortunate incident. I have had the incredible gift of traveling throughout southern California and meeting people with hearts so full of joy and hope; these hearts are aching for peace. Where do I even start to try and explain this whirlwind?


100 million views


Tuesday, May 6th:
Standing in an apartment in Orange, CA I am crying with an overwhelming sense of hope. Surrounded by my team all we could do was dance in confident hope of the justice that is waiting to transpire and take videos to ensure we never forget the moment that we knew the world had changed. This was the morning after KONY 2012 was released online. Our goal for the entire year of 2012 was to receive 500,000 online views. We blew through that goal in the first 24 hours. Twelve days later, I am sitting here able to say that over 100 million people have watched this film. We never knew it would be this big. I cannot help but rest in the fact that this is all part of God's plan. I have been in constant prayer for Joseph Kony's arrest and for his salvation. In these prayers there have been times that I have been enraged that he is still at large and able to kill and abduct; but, after reflecting on the sudden notoriety this cause has gained it is easy to see that this will result in God's glory. There are now 100 million  more eyes that have the chance to see God's spirit ALIVE and working here on earth. When Kony is brought to justice the world will take notice. I also beg you all to pray with me that JESUS would capture Kony's heart and that Kony would surrender in the name of JESUS. That is what I have been so convicted about praying for lately and I get chills thinking about it. Please pray for this with me. There is no one too lost to be saved.


"With new levels come new devils"


Expectantly so, with the newfound fame Invisible Children has experienced comes criticisms. First off, I want to point all of you to this page.  It will answer any and all of the critiques you may have heard throughout the past couple weeks. I can personally attest to the honesty and credibility of this organization and will defend it to all end. The leaders of this organization lead with integrity, kindness, sincerity, and pure hearts. I cannot think of a better place to back with my support.


The level of importance and attention that has been placed on these concerns have been so disheartening. I am not discouraged by the fact that these concerns have risen. I encourage all of you to inspect something before you support it. Rather, I am discouraged that instead of seeing a chance to change lives and end a war, people are more concerned with the fact that our film maker earns a salary of $89,000 a year. If you are more concerned about our financials than the notion that people are being murdered and abducted you need to open your eyes and awake from your slumber! This is not a season about Invisible Children. This is a season about the 400,000 people that are currently displaced because of the LRA, the 43 human beings that were abducted last month and the expected 250 soldiers that are forced to commit atrocities against their will every single day. This season is about 12 year old Eveline who was abducted and raped daily and taught to view humans as animals. Stop asking why and start asking how. Ask how you can use your voice, your money, your Facebook to end these atrocities! Look past our western view of charities and realize that this is something bigger. It is time we stop criticizing those working endlessly toward peace and start to look at our brothers and sisters in Africa as worth our time and resources. 


Jason Russell is at the forefront of this movement. He has defended this organization non stop and constantly points America back to the main goal- STOP KONY. Yesterday he was hospitalized due to exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition. All of these things resulted in an unfortunate incident. My prayers go out to Jason Russell and his family. His courage and spirit have been more than instrumental in awakening our generation to the need for social justice and reigniting a sense of humanity in us. As we push forward to END THIS WAR I ask that you join me in prayer; not only for Jason and his family, but that we may all see past this and work for the greater purpose- that we may work for justice. 


I am a Roadie and I am not here to speculate about the life of Jason Russell; however, I am here to carry on the mission that he and hundreds of thousands of others stand behind. I am here to be a small hand in the movement that will stop a war and has already changed a generation. I am so proud and humbled to be a part of this movement. I am so proud to be a part of a community that is not afraid to face adversity because we know it will change the world. We are the misfits and the dreamers. 


Peace is coming and justice will be served. On that day, I pray that so many will fall on their knees and call on Jesus as Lord. 


On a side note, I LOVE my job and I am getting on a flight to Hawaii in 7 hours. 

Come Shake the Ground with the Sound of Revival

It has been a crazy month. I have grown more than I could ever say and have become so close with people that are literally changing the world with every footstep. My heart has been filled with so much sorrow since I have been here because my eyes have been opened to the oppression and evil that is going on in the world. I now have an international family that has experienced this evil first hand and it is almost too much for my soul to bear. However, I remain with hope and overwhelming joy. Every morning I wake up and Jesus reminds me that I am meant to be here and that He is faithful.

Right now there are over 400,000 displaced persons because of one man. Joseph Kony has been terrorizing these people for 26 years and he needs to be stopped. A good friend reminded me this morning that our God is BIG and good and has infinite powers. Why are we praying in such a way that suggests we believe anything different? What are we not believing about God that makes us think our biggest prayers cannot be answered? I urge you all to pray boldly and without doubt; wake up from your slumber and recognize that God's mighty hand will not fail! I pray boldly tonight for divine freedom of the oppressed. 

Kony 2012- it's happening! I am leaving the Roadie house in 4 days to hit the road and open the eyes of America. I am incredibly blessed with a team that has quickly become my family. Together we will watch as Kony is captured and hundreds of thousands of people meet freedom. Hundreds of thousands of people will dance in joy. God has moved so much in this journey already and I am consumed with love for the people I have been lucky enough to live with for 6 incredible weeks. Hallelujah!

As my heart grows for the nations and justice I am realizing my life will never be the same. 

Jesus' Purpose

The past 4 days that I have been here I have already grown more than I can say. Today has been the best day yet! We watched a video by Gary Haugen, the CEO of International Justice Mission. This organization works to help those trapped in sex slavery. His speech was grounded in faith and it was the most affirming thing I have heard yet. Throughout this experience I KNEW God was calling me to this and that I am helping people. I have felt peace being here, but I was also searching for the purpose that this experience would serve for God's Kingdom.

In Gary's speech he talked about 5 qualities that one must focus on in order to work for and attain peace. These 5 characteristics are:

1. Moral Clarity

2. Extravagant Compassion

3. Sacrificial Courage

4. Tenacious Hope

5. Refreshing Joy

This speech ROCKED me! Jesus spoke to me through this. All 5 of these characteristics are ones that Jesus stood for. By working with IC and trying my best to attain these characteristics, I will be directly showing people the type of love Christ meant for us to give. 

We were asked to answer a few questions about this speech

-What is the legacy our generation will leave behind?

-What 2 values do you wish to focus on this semester?

After hearing this speech I was so overwhelmed by God's joy and peace that the only way I could think to respond was through prayer. I want to share this prayer with all of you because I think that the level at which God is consuming my heart here can be an encouragement to those that have a call on their life, by God, but may be too scared to follow it. It was tough for me to be here, but I knew it was God's call for me and it is definitely paying off!

Here is my prayer

"God, you are so good! Give me the gentle, yet strong, courage that faith in YOU supplies. Make me bold enough to share your message and love through advocating peace. This war must end. LORD, give me and show me purpose. Gift me with extravagant compassion- let me sympathize and empathize selflessly and recklessly. God let our generation leave a legacy of hope, faith, peace, and love. YOUR spirit resides in this world LORD. Let this generation be ambassadors of this. Let us fight with tenacious hope for the souls of our brothers and sisters. 

"The Children of Adam are limbs of each other

Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
If thou hast no sympathy for the troubles of others
Thou art unworthy to be called by the name of a man."
-Anthony Painter


LORD, help us to fight as one unit, one body, one church.
AMEN"

Awe

Very seldom am I truly impressed. The last 3 days being here at Invisible Children I am genuinely impressed by every aspect. The first day I got here I basically just got settled and met everyone. Walking into the house I was overwhelmed with the spirit of all the other roadies. I felt immediately a part of the IC family. The second day was our 1st time at the office! It was a long day, about 9am to 6pm and then a movie screening at Balboa park until 10pm. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. At the office the past 2 days we have been in and out of training sessions all day learning more about the intricate details of IC. Not only have these sessions grown my love for the organization incredibly, but they have put me into a state of sheer awe. I am most in awe of the humility that every worker at IC exuberates.

Ben Keesey.

Ben Keesey is the CEO of Invisible Children and led a training session on the mission statement and values of IC. I was already impressed that he treasures the core values of IC so highly that he is willing to come in, while he is sick, and speak to a bunch of 20somethingyearolds. The reason Keesey stuck out to me so much is because of his humility. Through his speaking it is apparent that the life he leads is an incredibly genuine and modest one. Keesey emphasized that we must transform our view of charity into compassion, superiority into humility and always remain in the mindset that our cause comes before the company.

In my few days here I can see God's hand on everything- the company, my role as a roadie, the roadies and interns around me. God is moving here! I am so alive with His presence and I feel so much peace. God's presence has shown up most the past few days in the people He has placed in my life. I have incredible teammates that I will actually be going on the road with, and other amazing people that I will get to know over the next 6 weeks. The creativity and innovative minds that these people possess captivate me- and the thing that captivates me more is the complete absence of pride.

I am in a place right now where I can see Jesus' love in so many ways. It is incredible and through the things that He has placed right in front of me to be in awe of creates a distinct and overwhelming awe for the King.

And it Begins

About to get on the plane to leave for San Diego. I am so excited for this journey to begin! I have been overwhelmed with the love that all of my friends and family have shown for me the last few days. I am so blessed! As I leave this community for a while, I know that I am going to meet such lovely people on this trip. God's blessings have been showering me non stop with the arrival of this trip- knowing this I can't wait to see what He has planned for me in the upcoming 5 months. Please be praying for me that I am in sync with the Holy Spirit and that I grow immensely in my walk with God through this experience. Please also pray for my team and all of the roadies that will be stretched in so many ways throughout these next few months. Lastly, the reason we are all gathering together, please pray for those in Africa that are being affected by the LRA- pray that they may know peace and learn of God's mercy, grace, and unfathomable love.

Next time I post I will be going full throttle, learning so much about Invisible Children and the conflict, and will be immersed in another amazing community of people!