Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Uganda, Part 1

One of the first questions I was asked upon arriving in Uganda was, “What are your hobbies?”. A little embarrassed that I spent most of my time working, studying, or planning my future, I fumbled to put together an answer. I can barely remember now what I answered, but I think it was a random compilation of things that sounded like hobbies and that I had done once or twice in my life.


“What about you? What are your favorite hobbies?” I asked trying to deflect attention away from my lack of interests.


Jovially, Susan answered, “I like to laugh and hang out with my sisters and listen to music”.


I was sort of thrown off by this answer and immediately thought to myself, “I like to laugh too. I didn’t know that was a hobby.”


That moment was the start to a summer in which I learned to dance with reckless abandon, pursue restoration, find splendor in silence, and realize that there does not have to be some concrete result from every action we participate in. Joy is the result.


I once heard a TED talk by a young teenage boy discussing how he believes that mainstream education should include an emphasis on how to pursue a healthy, happy lifestyle. In America, schools teach us to read, write, add, subtract, and locate North Dakota on a map (I must have missed that day), but what we don't learn is how to balance life, work, school, hobbies, relationships and all of the other things that make for a full and well lived life. This sort of American focus on results and productivity is something that was reluctantly, but gratefully, unlearned while in Uganda. I spent most mornings marvelling at the wild turkeys perched on the roof of our neighbor’s hut while ringing out my handwashed clothes. It was a slower life than I had ever known. Many days I desperately yearned to make a difference and do something useful with my time in Uganda; however, learning to deny the rabid desire for busyness was one of the most useful things I could have done. I came out of the experience with a deep appreciation for slowness and silence that I never could have adopted without a season of rest. There is a certain connection to others, to the Creator, and to yourself that you begin to nurture when you spend enough time away from  activity, technology, and work.


I distinctly remember one morning waking up to a storm that, pounding against our tin roof, made me think that our humble home had been relocated underneath a waterfall. I cozied up in my sheets, underneath the unbelievably comforting barricade of my mosquito net, basking in the sensation of being powerless against the frightening beauty of this earth. Hours later as I journeyed outside I saw our chickens and wondered what they had done during the storm. So feisty, but so small, they could have easily been swept away in the storm. I sat on the concrete steps near the kitchen watching the chickens and just thinking about their lives. What would it be like to be a chicken? Where do they go during storms?


And so it went, day after day, contemplating humanity underneath powerful rainfall, befriending chickens and wild turkeys, handwashing my clothes.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Thoughts on the Current State of American Christian Culture: World Vision


All I know is that if Jesus were the CEO of World Vision right now, and He listened to the backlash of Christians, I would be out of a job.


As I wearily woke up this morning and dragged myself downstairs, still wiping the sleep from my eyes, I opened my fridge. Innocently hoping to retrieve coffee creamer, I instead encountered a falling jar of salsa. As it crashed to the the ground, creating a mess of glass and salsa, I muttered as I do far too often, “G*d Damn it”.


I am a Christian. However, come closer. Lean in. I want to tell you something. I curse a lot. I lie. I gossip. I do not tithe consistently. I am not always kind. I question God. Last week I watched House of Cards instead of going to church. I like boys, but I probably think of them a sinful amount. I use God’s name in vain almost every time a glass jar falls out of the stock house my eight roommates and I call the refrigerator. I believe in the values displayed by Jesus. I am deeply softened by His compassion for the sinner, care for the marginalized, and disregard for traditions and rules that nurtured hatred.


World Vision, an organization that is doing life changing work such as disaster relief and caring for the precious children that Jesus so often spoke of, announced two days ago that they would begin hiring Christians in same sex marriages. Yesterday, the Christian community decided that asserting the implications of their interpretation of God’s view on homosexuality was more important than caring for the orphan, the poor, the lost.


As my journey in the Christian faith has developed throughout the past few years, I have not been able to ignore the way in which we are so quick to pass judgement on others. I myself continue to judge others based on Biblical interpretations. Rather than pursuing the unconditional and boundless love that Jesus taught and showed to others, we as Christians have perpetuated a culture quick to overlook our own shortcomings and quick to judge what we view as shortcomings in others.


And that is a real problem. Daily, myself and so many other Christians I know decide, confirmed through our actions, that pursuing a life full of love and compassion is not as important as our self proclaimed power to condemn those that engage in perceived sin.


If there is one thing I have learned in my walk of faith, it is that our wisdom is incomparable to that which lies within the hand of our great Creator. So, I have stopped asserting my own ‘wisdom’ and  have started attempting (although, failing a lot) just to be kind to people; the way that Jesus was. When I read the New Testament and envision the personality of this dude Jesus, I rarely finish a story and think to myself, “Man, Jesus really hates homosexuals. I need to go pull my donations from any organization that hires gay people”. Regardless of your view on homosexuality, we can all agree on that sentiment. When I finish reading a story about Jesus I am usually overwhelmed and humbled by the great love that Jesus shows to people, and what I should be thinking to myself is, “Jesus really, really, really loves people. Deeply. I should go use whatever I have been given to try and love people like that.”


I think that is what American Christian culture needs- a little less judge, a little more love. A little less thinking and a little more doing. Besides, once a little birdie whispered to me that it is not our job to condemn others. Rather, it is our job to love. Unconditionally. Radically. Recklessly.


This all is so much bigger than World Vision and even our beliefs about homosexuality. This is about our call, as followers of Jesus, to love without question. (Can you remember a story in which Jesus asked a person if they were gay before conversing with them?)


My challenge to myself and to you, Christian, is to actively pursue love. That is hard. And pretty damn time consuming. If we all start actively pursuing love, defined in the Bible as kindness and patience, we would not have time to pull our donations from organizations that hire gay people. And, if we continue to pursue pure love, we probably would not want to pull the donation anyway.



Thursday, May 24, 2012

And In the End There is Only Love

It has been quite a while since I have written. Friends, my time as an Invisible Children Roadie is over. I have wanted to post so many times to try and encompass the joys, sorrows, chaotic moments and life lessons that made up my journey. My heart is so full and I feel anew.

The past few weeks have consisted of mumbling 'goodbye' out of blurred eyes to the most incredible human beings, rejoicing over Achellam's capture, trying to straighten out my thoughts and reflect on this adventure, sleeping under the stars among the tallest trees, and looking ahead to where I will go next.

I am sitting here, my last few hours in San Diego before I hop on a plane home to San Antonio, realizing that my heart is overjoyed with all that I have seen, learned, and experienced; yet, I am so broken with all that I am leaving behind. A dear friend, Chris Tuttle, told me that if you did it right it should hurt to leave. And boy, does it hurt. Nate Henn, a beloved Roadie, asked "What is my life?". I find myself asking that same question tonight. Unsteady I walk on what feels to be a tight rope 200 stories high. From up here I can see the world. I can see its sorrows, charms, injustices, kindnesses, and everything in between. Yet with all in sight I feel I am merely watching it happen. I have this nagging perception that my contribution in these 5 months has not been enough to qualify as a dive into the beautiful and divinely mastered mess below me. As far back as I can remember, cliche but quite literally, all I have wanted is to be a part of it- be in it. Let me not stand from afar watching the suffering and hearing the laughter.

What is my Life?
 I have never felt so right and so in place. I have been blessed enough to fight at the forefront of justice, to have worked alongside the most humbling group of people, and to find Jesus in numerous places, experiences and people. Lord, push me off of the tight rope- let me be in the midst of Your work forever.

Who am I? 
A seemingly simple question asked as part of the application for this internship. The funny thing is that I knew as I filled out the application that I actually had no idea how to answer that. I wrote and wrote trying to formulate an assortment of words that would explain the unknown, even to me, qualities of Lindsey. So many people told me that I would 'find myself' on the road. I haven't found myself, but I have discovered 2 things:
1. I will never find myself. I will spend my life searching, but if this journey has taught me anything it is that the length to which a human can be stretched and can grow will never allow oneself to be found. We are ever evolving, ever learning, ever improving.
2. I am overjoyed with the realization that I am simply an instrument. I have been purchased at the price of the Son of God- Jesus Christ. I can breathe, walk, blink, dance only because of His grace. I am an instrument, placed on this earth temporarily to be a note in the eternal orchestra that is His glory. I am to be used for His peace, justice, love, and all else that is He.

I have learned to Love
I came to Invisible Children because I love God and I love people. After this internship I recognize that I am not completely sure if I really knew how to fully love. This is what I have determined.
Roadie Lessons on Love
1. When people genuinely love other people, the world WILL change.
2. God loves even the worst of sinners- who am I, a broken and dirty sinner, to do anything else. Love Joseph Kony. Pray for his salvation.
3. Strangers will love you and you will love strangers. Once you realize we are all just fighting the good fight judgements fade and love rushes in.
4. Love through the hate for we are not of this world.
    We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we       endure it. 1 Cor 4:12
5. Love grows always. I did not know I could love my teammates any more than I did week one and yet every single day I found more love for them. Your heart can never be too full. Apply this to people you think you cannot love.
6. Learn to love joy, sorrow, bitterness, elation, because that is how you  know you are alive. Remind yourself every day that you are alive- YOU WOKE UP! Praise the Lord!
7. And in the end there is only love. I love my teammates, the Roadie class, the cold and moldy Roadie house showers, the garage jam sessions, the 5AM wake up alarms, the 8 hour booking days, each and every screening. 70 years from now my memory of these things will be wiped away, but I will remember that I loved- and I loved whole heartedly and recklessly.

I guess I am in it after all. I am not just watching from a tight rope. The mess, the chaos that I thought I was merely watching is among us and the solution is love. Only God's love can heal and there is no corner of the globe, no boundary in which God's love cannot go.

What a messy and magnificent season.


Thursday, March 29, 2012

Overwhelming Joy

My team and I have been in Hawaii for almost two weeks now and we will soon be heading back to San Diego. We have gotten to do so many cool things here. We have gone to beautiful beaches, hiked, sailed, kayaked, and seen Pearl Harbor.

One day we got to go to a mountainside called Pali. Pali was the windiest place I have ever been! everything was so green- not the kind of faded green of Texas hills, but a deep and dark and rich forrest green. It was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. You could see the entire island, all the way to the sparkling ocean. Fog hung over the mountain tips as we walked down a small pathway. Staring back at the mountains I could only dream of God taking a look at His creation and running his fingers down the side of the mountain, making magnificent indentions, as a final touch. As we walked down the path we played in the wind. God's name glorified with every breeze.

I have been overwhelmed with joy multiple times on this journey, but nothing has quite paralleled what I got to experience tonight. We did a screening at a women's correctional facility in Honolulu. The second we got there we were showered with prayers and warm welcomes. They even made each of us a decorated journal in which they had each written their favorite Bible verse in. The night started out with multiple prayers and a worship session. Jesus was there; there is no doubt. His spirit was so apparent. All of the inmates raised their hands and voices. I cannot count the times Hallelujah was shouted. I was so moved to see their joy and contagious love for the Lord. These women found truth and hope in the fact that while their physical freedom is on hold they are liberated through Jesus. After worship, we started the film. I have seen this film probably close to 60 times now, but tonight was as if I was watching a different movie. The women cried hysterically, laughed joyously, and applauded many times throughout the movie. Their reactions to this issue refreshed my mind and spirit and reminded me that this is real. People are suffering and it has to stop. While Papito was telling his story I had a sudden panic realizing that the ways they can get involved are somewhat limited. An incredible peace came over me knowing that the way I would urge them to join us in the fight for justice is the most important and most overlooked. I had the immense privilege of asking these women to devote time to prayer for this issue. I was able to pray over them and feel their hearts also begging God for Kony's justice and salvation. I am so amazed by the kindness I encountered tonight. God is good and He continues to bring glory to His name at every turn.

Thank you for all of you who are praying for my team and I. Tour is officially halfway done. I cannot believe it. So much has happened already; it is only the start. Continue to pray earnestly that Kony would surrender in the name of Jesus.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

#RoadieLife

My friends,


Since I last posted, this journey has been absolutely insane and has shaped me in ways that I cannot yet grasp. My heart for justice has continued to grow, KONY 2012 has received over 100 million views, Invisible Children has been both attacked with criticisms and showered with support, and our heroic leader Jason Russell has reached a state of exhaustion that resulted in an unfortunate incident. I have had the incredible gift of traveling throughout southern California and meeting people with hearts so full of joy and hope; these hearts are aching for peace. Where do I even start to try and explain this whirlwind?


100 million views


Tuesday, May 6th:
Standing in an apartment in Orange, CA I am crying with an overwhelming sense of hope. Surrounded by my team all we could do was dance in confident hope of the justice that is waiting to transpire and take videos to ensure we never forget the moment that we knew the world had changed. This was the morning after KONY 2012 was released online. Our goal for the entire year of 2012 was to receive 500,000 online views. We blew through that goal in the first 24 hours. Twelve days later, I am sitting here able to say that over 100 million people have watched this film. We never knew it would be this big. I cannot help but rest in the fact that this is all part of God's plan. I have been in constant prayer for Joseph Kony's arrest and for his salvation. In these prayers there have been times that I have been enraged that he is still at large and able to kill and abduct; but, after reflecting on the sudden notoriety this cause has gained it is easy to see that this will result in God's glory. There are now 100 million  more eyes that have the chance to see God's spirit ALIVE and working here on earth. When Kony is brought to justice the world will take notice. I also beg you all to pray with me that JESUS would capture Kony's heart and that Kony would surrender in the name of JESUS. That is what I have been so convicted about praying for lately and I get chills thinking about it. Please pray for this with me. There is no one too lost to be saved.


"With new levels come new devils"


Expectantly so, with the newfound fame Invisible Children has experienced comes criticisms. First off, I want to point all of you to this page.  It will answer any and all of the critiques you may have heard throughout the past couple weeks. I can personally attest to the honesty and credibility of this organization and will defend it to all end. The leaders of this organization lead with integrity, kindness, sincerity, and pure hearts. I cannot think of a better place to back with my support.


The level of importance and attention that has been placed on these concerns have been so disheartening. I am not discouraged by the fact that these concerns have risen. I encourage all of you to inspect something before you support it. Rather, I am discouraged that instead of seeing a chance to change lives and end a war, people are more concerned with the fact that our film maker earns a salary of $89,000 a year. If you are more concerned about our financials than the notion that people are being murdered and abducted you need to open your eyes and awake from your slumber! This is not a season about Invisible Children. This is a season about the 400,000 people that are currently displaced because of the LRA, the 43 human beings that were abducted last month and the expected 250 soldiers that are forced to commit atrocities against their will every single day. This season is about 12 year old Eveline who was abducted and raped daily and taught to view humans as animals. Stop asking why and start asking how. Ask how you can use your voice, your money, your Facebook to end these atrocities! Look past our western view of charities and realize that this is something bigger. It is time we stop criticizing those working endlessly toward peace and start to look at our brothers and sisters in Africa as worth our time and resources. 


Jason Russell is at the forefront of this movement. He has defended this organization non stop and constantly points America back to the main goal- STOP KONY. Yesterday he was hospitalized due to exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition. All of these things resulted in an unfortunate incident. My prayers go out to Jason Russell and his family. His courage and spirit have been more than instrumental in awakening our generation to the need for social justice and reigniting a sense of humanity in us. As we push forward to END THIS WAR I ask that you join me in prayer; not only for Jason and his family, but that we may all see past this and work for the greater purpose- that we may work for justice. 


I am a Roadie and I am not here to speculate about the life of Jason Russell; however, I am here to carry on the mission that he and hundreds of thousands of others stand behind. I am here to be a small hand in the movement that will stop a war and has already changed a generation. I am so proud and humbled to be a part of this movement. I am so proud to be a part of a community that is not afraid to face adversity because we know it will change the world. We are the misfits and the dreamers. 


Peace is coming and justice will be served. On that day, I pray that so many will fall on their knees and call on Jesus as Lord. 


On a side note, I LOVE my job and I am getting on a flight to Hawaii in 7 hours. 

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Come Shake the Ground with the Sound of Revival

It has been a crazy month. I have grown more than I could ever say and have become so close with people that are literally changing the world with every footstep. My heart has been filled with so much sorrow since I have been here because my eyes have been opened to the oppression and evil that is going on in the world. I now have an international family that has experienced this evil first hand and it is almost too much for my soul to bear. However, I remain with hope and overwhelming joy. Every morning I wake up and Jesus reminds me that I am meant to be here and that He is faithful.

Right now there are over 400,000 displaced persons because of one man. Joseph Kony has been terrorizing these people for 26 years and he needs to be stopped. A good friend reminded me this morning that our God is BIG and good and has infinite powers. Why are we praying in such a way that suggests we believe anything different? What are we not believing about God that makes us think our biggest prayers cannot be answered? I urge you all to pray boldly and without doubt; wake up from your slumber and recognize that God's mighty hand will not fail! I pray boldly tonight for divine freedom of the oppressed. 

Kony 2012- it's happening! I am leaving the Roadie house in 4 days to hit the road and open the eyes of America. I am incredibly blessed with a team that has quickly become my family. Together we will watch as Kony is captured and hundreds of thousands of people meet freedom. Hundreds of thousands of people will dance in joy. God has moved so much in this journey already and I am consumed with love for the people I have been lucky enough to live with for 6 incredible weeks. Hallelujah!

As my heart grows for the nations and justice I am realizing my life will never be the same. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

Jesus' Purpose

The past 4 days that I have been here I have already grown more than I can say. Today has been the best day yet! We watched a video by Gary Haugen, the CEO of International Justice Mission. This organization works to help those trapped in sex slavery. His speech was grounded in faith and it was the most affirming thing I have heard yet. Throughout this experience I KNEW God was calling me to this and that I am helping people. I have felt peace being here, but I was also searching for the purpose that this experience would serve for God's Kingdom.

In Gary's speech he talked about 5 qualities that one must focus on in order to work for and attain peace. These 5 characteristics are:

1. Moral Clarity
2. Extravagant Compassion
3. Sacrificial Courage
4. Tenacious Hope
5. Refreshing Joy

This speech ROCKED me! Jesus spoke to me through this. All 5 of these characteristics are ones that Jesus stood for. By working with IC and trying my best to attain these characteristics, I will be directly showing people the type of love Christ meant for us to give. 

We were asked to answer a few questions about this speech

-What is the legacy our generation will leave behind?
-What 2 values do you wish to focus on this semester?

After hearing this speech I was so overwhelmed by God's joy and peace that the only way I could think to respond was through prayer. I want to share this prayer with all of you because I think that the level at which God is consuming my heart here can be an encouragement to those that have a call on their life, by God, but may be too scared to follow it. It was tough for me to be here, but I knew it was God's call for me and it is definitely paying off!

Here is my prayer
"God, you are so good! Give me the gentle, yet strong, courage that faith in YOU supplies. Make me bold enough to share your message and love through advocating peace. This war must end. LORD, give me and show me purpose. Gift me with extravagant compassion- let me sympathize and empathize selflessly and recklessly. God let our generation leave a legacy of hope, faith, peace, and love. YOUR spirit resides in this world LORD. Let this generation be ambassadors of this. Let us fight with tenacious hope for the souls of our brothers and sisters. 

"The Children of Adam are limbs of each other
Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
If thou hast no sympathy for the troubles of others
Thou art unworthy to be called by the name of a man."

-Anthony Painter


LORD, help us to fight as one unit, one body, one church.
AMEN"